


Between Comfort and a Hard Place

by hotch_fan



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s05e09 100, Episode: s05e10 The Slave of Duty, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jason Gideon's Return, Major Edits Done, Maybe - Freeform, Missing Scene, Old Friends, Reunions, Revised Version, Rewrite, Rossi and Gideon don't get along, Season/Series 05, Surprise Visits, Worth Re-Reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-18
Updated: 2011-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-23 20:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/254500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotch_fan/pseuds/hotch_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tragedy prompted Gideon to show up at Hotch's doorstep three years after his abrupt departure from the team. What he didn't expect was to find David Rossi.</p><p>[Rewritten in 2017.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Comfort and a Hard Place

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [nebula2](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/120401/nebula2) and [joey112](http://joey112.livejournal.com/) for the initial beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

_“Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends." Ambrose Bierce._ **  
**

Hotch kept his eyes on the TV screen, which was showing a soccer game he wasn't paying much attention to, and nursing a beer bottle between his hands.

It was the first time since Haley's death that Jack wasn't home with him and he wasn't sure how to feel about that.

The team traveled to Seattle for a case, and they hadn't been anywhere near closing it when Jessica asked him if she could take Jack to visit his grandparents for the weekend during one of their calls. Hotch had hesitated only for a second before agreeing.

He knew it would be good for them to see their grandson, and would also be good for Jack, especially now when Hotch couldn't be home with him. But then, in the next 24 hours the team caught a lucky break and wrapped the case quickly, leaving Hotch to arrive at an empty apartment.

He arrived home last night early enough to call and speak with Jack for a few minutes and wish him good night, and had even spoken with him early today, but it wasn't enough.

Maybe Hotch could have traveled to Georgia, where Mr. and Mrs. Brooks lived, but he didn't want to steal the little time they could have with Jack, and he knew he wasn't welcome there either. His relationship with the Brooks was strained ever since the divorce, and he wasn't sure there was even a relationship to speak of after Haley's death, leaving Jessica with the responsibility to play mediator between her parents and him, and only for Jack's sake.

And Hotch couldn't even find it in himself to blame them. They had every right to blame him; to hate him for killing their daughter and leaving his grandson motherless.

So, after a fitful night's sleep, he got up this morning planning to do some light work around the apartment, go pick some groceries and do some paperwork later, but that was before Dave showed up at his doorstep with a six-pack of beer and a pizza box in his hands, talking about a game.

He knew what Dave was trying to do, showing up here when he knew he would be alone, and while he appreciated it, he would have preferred to be alone.

"Hey, you want another beer?" Dave asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Hotch shook his head. "I'm good."

The older agent sent him a look but didn't say anything as he walked toward the kitchen to grab a one for himself. Hotch had just heard him close the fridge's door when the doorbell rang.

"Expecting someone?" Dave called.

"No," Hotch replied with a frown. He placed his beer on the coffee table and went to answer the door.

The sight that greeted him on the other side was enough to make him froze on the spot, unable to tear his eyes away from the familiar figure. He was even afraid to blink, less the man would vanish again as gentle dark brown eyes stared back at him.

The older man looked just like he remembered him, except his eyes.

There had been a permanent shadow of grief and pain in his eyes since Boston, made even stronger after Sara's murder, and while the pain and grief were still clear in his eyes, it wasn't as sharp as before and there was a different air around him too. Not quite contentment, but maybe acceptance to some extent. As if he had made his peace with what happened, or was at least in the process to do it.

Hotch opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out.

"Hello, Aaron."

"Jason," Was the only thing Hotch was able to voice, and even then, it wasn't more than a whisper.

"I came here as soon as I heard what happened. Aaron ... I'm so sorry."

Hotch nodded stiffly, sliding his gaze away for just a second. When he looked back, his stoic mask had slid into place, even when he knew it wouldn't fool Gideon. He was one of the few people that could see right through him, but that didn't stop him from trying.

"Thank you," He said simply, but sincerely. "Do you want to come in?"

Gideon inclined his head in acceptance.

"Come in," He said as he stepped aside to leave his old friend in.

Hotch saw him look around the apartment as soon as he stepped inside, but he was sure it was out of habit more than anything else. A small crease appeared on the older man's forehead as he took in the living room. That was the moment Dave decided to make his presence known.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Jason Gideon himself." Dave exclaimed from where he was standing, watching them.

There was no lost love between the two profilers, and nobody knows it better than Hotch, who had spent years caught right in the middle.

"David. What are you doing here?" There was a frank surprise in the words.

"I could ask you the same thing, Jason." The other agent asked dryly, an eyebrow arched.

Hotch did his best not to go back to old habits and fidget, as he had done when he first joined the BAU and wasn't quick enough to get out of the way of the clash between the two founders. It didn't happen often; they were both professionals and for the most part kept out of each other's way. That and Dave had retired a little over a year after he joined. Still, the couple of times he was there to witness it were enough to attest the tale of the legendary rivalry (if it could be called that) between the two profilers wasn't overplayed.

"I'm here to visit a friend, David."

"So I am,"

Gideon turned to Hotch. "I didn't know you maintain contact."

Dave snorted, dragging both man's attention back to him. "It would be damn hard not to have contact when we see each other almost every day."

Once again Gideon looked at Hotch, a mildly curious look on his face.

With a quick look at Dave, the younger man cleared his throat. "Dave has been back in the BAU for almost two years."

"Oh." Gideon looked back at his ex-colleague with an amused glint in his eyes. "That's strange. I seem to recall you said you were never going to put a foot back on the BAU when you retired, David. You looked quite content to leave."

Dave shrugged, letting the remark slide with ease. "Yes, well. I changed my mind. Retirement got boring after a while, and when I learn there was a vacancy in Hotch's team, I decided to come back."

There was silence for a moment. There was no need to say it had been Gideon's spot Dave had filled.

"I heard you wrote a couple of books about profiling."

"I did. And it was more than a couple, but who's counting, right? I can send you the whole collection if you want. I'll even sign them just for you."

"That's not necessary," Gideon replied.

"Suit yourself."

Looking between the two men, Hotch cleared his throat. "Ah, Dave- do you mind?"

They held each other's gaze for a long moment.

"Of course." Dave conceded with a grin, walking toward the living room and leaving Hotch and Gideon to head toward the dining area. That way he was close enough to hear what was said, but far enough to give the illusion of privacy.

Hotch glared after him for a second before turning to his other guest and motioning for him to sit down.

"Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine."

Hotch nodded, sitting down on the chair opposite and looking back at his old friend. There were so many things he wanted to say; things he had wanted to say to the other man from the moment Spencer had told them about the letter and Gideon's departure, but the words wouldn't come out, they just wouldn't.

"How did you find me?" He asked after a moment's though. It was a valid question considering he had still been living at his house when Jason left. Gideon probably called one of his contacts to get the information, but Hotch wanted to make sure the apartment was safe for Jack.

"I spoke with Erin. She was reluctant, but I convinced her to share the information." Gideon paused. "She told me she offered you early retirement and you declined."

"I did,” Hotch replied simply.

Gideon acknowledged the clear dismissal with a small nod of his head. "How's Jack?"

Hotch looked down at his hands, resting on the table. "He's- as well as could be expected under the circumstances. He still asks for Haley sometimes. I- I don't think he really understands what happened. He has nightmares sometimes," He added softly.

"And where is Jack now?"

"Jessica, Haley's sister, took him to see his grandparents for a couple of days," Hotch replied.

"And you? How are you doing, Aaron?" Gideon asked, looking directly at Hotch. With that distinctive look of his that always made you feel as if he were looking inside your head; inside your soul.

The sound of a loud snort came from the living room, interrupting Jason's scrutiny and making Hotch let out a shaky breath. There was no further noise from Dave.

"I'm okay." Gideon made no comment, simply watched him. "I'm just - I'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do right now. But I'm not alone," He added more firmly. "Jessica has been doing everything she can to support us, and everyone in the team has been of great help too."

"How are they? The team."

"They're fine." Hotch hesitated a second but didn't say anything else. He remembered the many conversations Jason and he had shared about the team over the years, and even if he could speak with Dave now, he still missed them. But, he knew it was not his place to share details about the team, much less to someone that, for all interest and proposes, wasn't a part of their lives anymore.

"And Spencer?"

The question wasn't surprising. Gideon may have been fond of everyone in the team, but everyone knew Spencer had been special for him right from the beginning.

"He's doing well too. He has grown so much these last couple of years, and not only as a profiler," Hotch added with the touch of a smile.

A small, proud smile spread slowly across Gideon's face. The sight brought an array of emotions Hotch wouldn't have expected. A part of him wanted to tell him he had no right to feel proud of Reid. Not after abandoning him like he had, but he also knew that wasn't entirely fair. Jason had been an important pillar in Reid's life, both as his teacher and friend, and even after he left everything he taught him had stayed with the younger profiler.

"Reid still lives in the same apartment, in case you want to visit him while you're in DC. I'm sure he would like that, and it would be good for him to see you. For both of you," Hotch added.

Gideon said nothing, looking away from Hotch's eyes. His silence was answer enough.

"Oh, come on!"

Hotch shot a glare at the back of Dave's head. The exclamation could have been prompted by whatever was going on in the game, but he knew better, and so did Jason.

He cleared his throat, looking back at Gideon. "What about you? How have you been?"

"I have been traveling," Gideon replied, not giving any more details and avoiding giving a real answer to the question.

Silence settled between them one more time.

"I should let you go back to what you were doing," Gideon said with a thin smile.

Hotch only nodded in response. He would have liked for Jason to stay longer; there were many things he wanted to ask him, but he knew this wasn't the time. They wouldn't be able to speak freely, not with the other profiler in the room.

Dave's presence was without a doubt part of it, but not the only reason.

Jason not only had the gift to get people to reveal some of their darkest secrets to him, but he also could keep his emotions and thoughts to himself. He was a great conversationalist; he was open and friendly, and could make you feel like he was confiding in you, and yet not reveal anything of real importance about himself, even to the people close to him.

Both got to their feet and Hotch walked Gideon to the door.

"Oh. Are you leaving already? That was what?" Dave peered down at his watch. "A twenty-minute visit after three years gone? Oh, you shouldn't have."

"David," Gideon inclined his head slightly. "As always a pleasure to see you."

"Of course it is. And all you have to do now is visit the BAU if you miss me again."

Gideon continued his way to the door without giving a reply.

With the man's back turned, Hotch shot Dave a look. The seated man simply shrugged with an unrepentant expression on his face.

Before he stepped outside, Gideon reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

"I'm glad to see you're doing fine, Aaron." He told him, holding his gaze.

"As if you care." Dave snorted before Hotch could give a response.

Gideon turned to him with a hard look. "Of course I care."

"If you really cared you would have returned after Foyet attacked him in his own apartment. Or at least would have come to Haley's funeral." Dave almost shouted, looking angry.

A look of guilt flashed across Jason's face at the words, making Hotch's stomach clench.

"Dave, that's enough."

The profiler all but threw his hands up in the air before getting to his feet and walking away. Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked at his retreating back.

"I'm sorry." He offered, looking back at the other man.

Gideon shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, Aaron. We both know how David can be."

Hotch mused a faint smile in answer to Gideon's.

"I meant what I said, Aaron. I'm glad you're doing fine."

"I know. Thank you. It was good to see you again." He added genuinely.

Gideon smiled, and with one last shake of hands, he was gone again.

As soon as the door was closed, Hotch turned around to see Dave walking back into the living room. "Really? You two hadn't seen each other in almost fifteen years, and you still can't act civil around the other for a few minutes?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. That was one of the nicest conversations we've ever had."

Hotch rolled his eyes but followed Dave to sit on the couch.

"You know I never liked him, and nothing he ever did was enough to change my mind even a little. Quite the opposite, actually," Dave added, clearly referring to Gideon's abrupt departure.

Hotch chose to remain silent.

"You okay?"

"Yes. I just never thought I would see him again."

"I'm surprised he came back at all, with what you said about the way he left. I thought he just wanted to get as far away as possible and not look back," Dave commented.

"That's what I thought too." Hotch hesitated before saying anything else. He knew better than to bring up Jason in Dave's presence and vice versa, but there was no one else with whom he could speak about this. He rubbed a hand across his forehead. "I'm grateful to see he's better now, but the way he just showed up as if nothing happened, not even saying anything about the way he left.

"I always understood his need to leave after what happened, but I still feel ... betrayed by the way he did it. Reid deserved better than that."

"He did, and so did you," Dave emphasized. "But I'm not surprised. We both know Jason, and he has never found it easy to apologize or ask forgiveness, though I'm not sure if I should say something about that. After all, you know me too well," Dave said, trying to light the mood.

He cleared his throat. "So, I think we still can catch the end of the game."

Hotch shook his head, yet he couldn't help but allow himself a brief smile to appear as Dave turned on the TV.

_"Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise." - Anonymous._


End file.
